I know being over the hill is not such a bad thing. During the show (mtv scooty teen diva, ref previous post) these are a few questions that the younglings answered thus:

Q. Name a phone that has a colour and fruit in its name?

A (by PYT) Orange

A (By ol'me) Black berry

Q Who wrote India's national Anthem?

A (by PYT, almost instant) Subhash Chandra Bose

A (ol'me)Ok Ok old age is not so bad

PS: Rabindra Nath TAgore

I know I'm over the hill because:
This weekend I happended to see Teen Diva on MTV and was mighty jealous of all the contestants. I kept squealing "they are so young. They are so young".

You know you are old when you see a marble lying on the road and you don't bend to pick it up.

On the edge

You know living on the edge is supposed to be something exciting and dangerous. Being edgy is cool. or hot or whatever is the in temperature.
I'm on the edge.
And I don't like it. Call it old age, gen gap pr what you will.
Today is one of those days when i feel I'll fall. fall apart. It's one of those days when I feel so overwhelmed by everything. MS word scares me. Meetings give me the shivers. Bosses creeps. Husband nervous break down. I don't even feel like reading. Perhaps I should do some crazy therapeutic thing like watching the whales. Or like this clacking at the comp.
I just want to close my eyes. I wish i could go away into nothingness.

What I miss most about being single

This isn't really a piece of writing. It's a list. (some of mine, some of someone else')

1. No Romance
Ya ya married couples can be romantic. But not the heart-skipped a beat, tummy-flipped, weak knees, I -could -just melt romance.

2. No firsts
Considering that you'll remain faithful to this one person. No first kiss, no first letter, no first fight. no no no.
3. Guilt
If you are a normal healthy male /female and you don't live on a deserted Island north of Timbuktu, chances are that you may bump into a person, of the opposite sex (other than your spouse) whom you find attractive. Anyone who's been through a heartbreak and fallen in love again will tell you that the theory of 'there's just one person for you' isn't true. Thank God.

So what do you do if you ever meet this other person also for you?

Imagine what life could be with so and so.

Feel guilty.

4. You are not worth it.

Yes you are worth it. but not worth the effort.

All the effort that people put in to impress the prospective other vanishes 'poof' once you are married. The spouse who used to douse himself in cologne feels its OK to f%*t while sitting next to you. Or dig for gold. Or not bathe. Perhaps we become so easily available, there's no need or desire to please, seduce or bowl over.

I miss that. While some may call it being comfortable. Or I don't have to pretend to be some thing else. But sometimes please do pretend.

Thank God

Amongst other things that we should thank God for, is for not answering all our prayers.
As human beings with limited knowledge and mostly, nearly no perspective, we pray for things that are not always for the best.
Example
During a certain year of my life, I prayed and prayed to God to make the mighty Brahmaputra river change its course and flow through South India. Heck I even tried emotional blackmail on God like Sadhus of yore. I did not eat tiff in for a week.
Hoping to hear something of this sort in the 9'o'clock news: "In an unprecedented event, today, the river Brahmaputra has decided to flow through the states to AP, Karnataka and Tamil Nadu. Course effective from now"
All because in a certain geography test I had named the Brahmaputra as one of the the southern rivers.
God in his infinite wisdom pressed Ignore on this particular prayer and many others like:
Please bring horrid boyfriend back to me.
Please let me die.
Please change the shape of my nose.
Please bomb my school.
please please please
Make it rain. Make it rain.

Am sure you have your own list, thanks to this thing called 'in retrospect'.
Just remember to thank God for not answering all your prayers.

Gfjkdjhjgh

Gfjkdjhjgh

That’s what I’ve decided to call it.
Defined (by me) as a particular smell/fragrance/sound/ visual/touch that brings back certain memories.

Yesterday as I stepped into the lift, I knew someone on my right was regular pan masala junklie. This faint smell of pan masala stains on cotton is very very my nana.

My nana ate pan masala like a child (and some adults) eats mango. He generously shared this treat with his kurta/shirt or whatever.
And my nani being the woman she was, meticulously scrubbed away those stains.
Although, the stains mostly lost to her iron will, the fragrance stubbornly remained.

That day in the lift the pan masala on cotton was my Gfjkdjhjgh.

After many years I thought of my nana.
In his last years he was suffering from an illness called dementia. It’s a condition not very unlike Alzheimer’s. The brain looses almost all cognitive functions. People don’t forget where they kept their car keys but how to use them. In cases even body functions, like feet are used for what? It’s not just the patient who suffers but people around him are equally affected.

Though nani selflessly took care on nana, there were days when even her resolve would fail. On one such occasion after xyx, nani burst into tears. Although nana did not recognise her as his wife, her sorrow made him cry too.

And in painful innocence, that I believe even kids don’t have, he asked me: “Suno ladki, jab hum rote hain toh ankh se paani kyon nikalta hai?”

It was the most fundamental question. Basic and simple. Like, why’s the sky blue?
I don’t know why tears spring forth when we cry. But contrary to my habit, it’s one answer I’ve not rushed to Google for.